This week has been so hard on me, I have fallen into this rut of constant formality that I just can’t seem to get away from. My thoughts have been nothing but negative about myself and the joy that consumed the smile I carry everywhere just seemed to disappear…. it wasn’t until today that I realized that I wasn’t myself. That I let the light dim and that nothing really matted.
Let me tell you this, God loves us in our ruts, He loves us when we don’t even know how to love ourselves. I can’t even begin to grasp that…. I might feel right now that there is no end, that where I am in life right now is where I will always be BUT that’s not true…. God has a plan, He has a plan that successes all plans. “I am more precious to Him then any ruby (proverbs 31:10).” Today was hard, tomorrow might be harder but you know what though His grace I know I can make it through.
I have done my best, I think that is all God is ever looking for. I don’t think He ever wants more then our best, I am not saying that He doesn’t challenge us, because He does but His challenges are there to equip us so we know how to face what happens next in life. The challenges that God has walked me though has brought me to this moment because He wanted me to be here…. to be a witness….. to get in the race…… He let me live…. He never left me when I pushed Him away…… He has helped me be brave, calm and understanding when situations got scary……..He helped me realize that things happen for a reason and sometimes we don’t know the answer to them….. He taught me that only He can provide my needs for me and that earthy things don’t matter….. He surprises me with love even when I can’t seem to love myself…… He has raised me up….. He has called me and equipped for His divined purpose.
I may be sarcastic all the time, I may even be walking in fear, I may not know what’s best for me right now but what I do know is that He has it coved and that worrying about anything will just lead to stress and that applying myself to His command and path is the only way I will ever make it. So this rut might have been the best thing for me, it taught me that no matter where I go, no matter what I do God will be with me and to Him I am everything He has ever wanted. The only true thoughts and opinions that will ever matter in this world are our heavenly fathers.
Never lose sight on what truly matters,